All the material things you brought to me didn’t compare to the foundational set of decision-making skills you prepared me with. We grew closer and closer as the years went on. Man did I feel cool and important, and it was all because of you. “Wow you were right,” he said as he hugged me in front of everyone. The very next day he was waiting for me at the front of the cafeteria with a smile that could light up the midnight sky. He gave me a glance as if he was intrigued by what I said and then proceeded to walk away. When he started talking about you I jumped in instantly to give him advice. My friend’s grandfather worked as a janitor and he always bullshitted with us at lunchtime about different things. but there you were with open arms, waiting to pick me back up.Īt 15 I remember the first time I got to truly show you off, it was in the cafeteria in high school. I remember crying in my room and thinking to myself that I would give the 1,000 dollars back that you had given me just to not be outcasted.Īll of a sudden I was alone… again. When I heard this through the phone it felt like someone poured boiling water directly into my bloodstream.

“My parents said you’re not allowed to come over.” When their parents started to hear we were together they grew cold towards me. When we would hang out with my friends together I was the only one who would leave happy, they didn’t have such a positive relationship with you early on. I never had to ask him for things… you had all the answers.Īt 13 you gave me my first dose of anxiety. I was extraordinary at dealing with you.Īt 12 you made me a hero in front of my dad. You gave me confidence and with that came a sense of purpose. You see early on we were a match made in heaven. It felt like the final Tetris piece being maneuvered just in time to fit perfectly into my life. In the beginning, you were attracted to me just as much as I was attracted to you.

I guess at 10 years old all I wanted was to be liked, to be loved, to be needed. I remember the first time I saw you, heard you, smelled you, felt you. I was just a little kid when you entered my world.

Goodbye letter to my addiction